So entwined in the attendance
In the tender dawning of motherhood,
The seeming urgency of physical necessity
Unforgiving,
Unknowingly
I abandoned the power of my creation
I lost sight of my ability
A highfaluting, bone-rocking, gut-gurgling ability
To Dream
To live in, exist in Other
Imbue life to Other and imagine the unseen
The space since youth that had arrived me deeply in, on, above and beyond
The wild corners, edifices and gullies of my being
Bearing within, without, effortlessly in a crazy gift to realise
Then this calling in wonder to nurture,
Of and from heart to breast to arm,
To ensconce immeasurably in love,
As this darling, daring child’s mind climbed throughout the universe, one song
A child hinged on insistence
A child unfamiliar in dwelling in forgetting
And in this usurping
I forgot to forget.
And rather hunted feverishly high and low
In instinct, in memory, in books, in conversations
In Hope
To bring our sweet boy
With whom, wired into his tapestry of becoming
An anxiety, a burning, a twisting
Thrusting a constant edge of unease
To just simply Be
Yes in hope, in earnest
To bring our sweet child,
Back into connection
Back into Home
Seriousness ’twas my bedfellow,
In waking and in rest
Seriousness and worry
Wove themselves into this intentful, unrelenting
Determined heart-full
Quest
Almost eight long years
Of walking in the unknowing
In exhaustion
In times, howling despair
Of lostness
And yearning
In cycles of remembering to remember
I finally remembered whom I have forgotten
Dreamer, hello. Forgive me
Dreamer, please help envision me some majesty again
Help me fill valleys with possibility and anticipation
To fall and make merry
That which needs not a name
To help seed and grow dreams of our son’s
Belonging
Back to the bosom
Of our earth’s melodious rumblings
Her caresses and whisperings
Her glorious medicine
The gentle hum of her longings
Her desires and her song
I remembered well
How to mother
How to care, guide and protect
Through sleepless nights
And tantrums of wanting
And moments of disconnection
But forgot,
So sorrowfully forgot,
My power to Dream
This child, within and without,
Back
Into the Beloved’s arms
In the unfolding beauty of skin, flesh and bone
Back into the depths
Of home
Image: Source unknown
