Dreaming our boy back home

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So entwined in the attendance

In the tender dawning of motherhood,

The seeming urgency of physical necessity

Unforgiving,

Unknowingly

I abandoned the power of my creation

I lost sight of my ability

A highfaluting, bone-rocking, gut-gurgling ability

To Dream

To live in, exist in Other

Imbue life to Other and imagine the unseen

The space since youth that had arrived me deeply in, on, above and beyond

The wild corners, edifices and gullies of my being

Bearing within, without, effortlessly in a crazy gift to realise

 

Then this calling in wonder to nurture,

Of and from heart to breast to arm,

To ensconce immeasurably in love,

As this darling, daring child’s mind climbed throughout the universe, one song

A child hinged on insistence

A child unfamiliar in dwelling in forgetting

 

And in this usurping

I forgot to forget.

 

And rather hunted feverishly high and low

In instinct, in memory, in books, in conversations

In Hope

To bring our sweet boy

With whom, wired into his tapestry of becoming

An anxiety, a burning, a twisting

Thrusting a constant edge of unease

To just simply Be

Yes in hope, in earnest

To bring our sweet child,

Back into connection

Back into Home

 

Seriousness ’twas my bedfellow,

In waking and in rest

Seriousness and worry

Wove themselves into this intentful, unrelenting

Determined heart-full

Quest

 

Almost eight long years

Of walking in the unknowing

In exhaustion

In times, howling despair

Of lostness

And yearning

In cycles of remembering to remember

I finally remembered whom I have forgotten

 

Dreamer, hello. Forgive me

Dreamer, please help envision me some majesty again

Help me fill valleys with possibility and anticipation

To fall and make merry

That which needs not a name

To help seed and grow dreams of our son’s

Belonging

Back to the bosom

Of our earth’s melodious rumblings

Her caresses and whisperings

Her glorious medicine

The gentle hum of her longings

Her desires and her song

 

I remembered well

How to mother

How to care, guide and protect

Through sleepless nights

And tantrums of wanting

And moments of disconnection

But forgot,

So sorrowfully forgot,

My power to Dream

This child, within and without,

Back

Into the Beloved’s arms

In the unfolding beauty of skin, flesh and bone

Back into the depths

Of home

 

Image: Source unknown

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