One day

I will have done enough trauma release

Exercises And

Become adept at somatically experiencing, integrating and

Meeting my nervous system

With all the presence it has longed for

I will have done vast bellyfuls of voice work so I Speak

From my Authentic self

Only

And melted my womb wisdom into

Pots of prehistoric Honey

I will have mindfully gotten over,

I should say Overcome,

My aversion to chia seeds and

All things coconut

As well my allergy to festivals, “Travel” and

Group situations

I will be well versed in all worldly Wild things

And a font of

Connection,

Especially with my blessed children who will

Follow in my vibrationally balanced and

Wholly grounded footsteps for EVER

My ageing body will be wrinkled

In all the right places and my grey hair

Won’t make me look a day over the decade I was

A decade ago

I will have grieved and wept many lifetimes

Over

For all the loses my Inner-Child encountered and

Struggled to hold

And unpicked and rewoven all trans-generational pain

And suffering through my ancestry,

Sorry, I mean to say, OUR ancestry

From the Beginning of Time, Yes

I will unflinchingly bask in the

Great MYSTERY

Whilst revel knowingly in the All-knowing

And I not even need mention my chakras

Will have been cleansed by Angels

From the Ascension

Nor that I will be standing in my power

With such tenacious agency

It will leave Helen Mirren and the Sisterhood

Shuddering in my wake

But today, today

I can’t quite make it up from lying

Down on this bed

I can’t quite pretend to be The

Good Survivor on this

Monday

I can’t look you in the eye

Without wanting to Run

Or tell you how much my

Jaw aches from all the pain I clench

Within it

Or that my tinnitus is louder than your words

That my heart is galloping as I

Navigate this brutal and unforgiving

Turning point in Life

That my nerves are

Wrecked

That I am fractured and can’t remember the words

I spoke two seconds ago

That CPTSD combined with

Relational trauma

And the finely scorched attachment issues scored

Through my cells

Make actualising the Village or Tribe that you

Suggested Building

Really fucking HARD

Some days.

Trembling around this tremendous vulnerability

Some days makes even fucking

Breathing

Bloody fucking tricky

Laboured, let’s say.

Highly sensitive, Yes

A tad paranoid, some days

Edgy, indeed

Fried, I struggle to recall a time not

Oh the time of the glory, glory days

When aspirations aspired to owning maybe

A Golf and holidaying once a year

In the Algarve

When social advertising on social media

Didn’t even have a name

I will swap the Chia seeds and gluten-free

And almond milk and

Re-wilding mini-breaks

And purifying my being

With raw cacao beans

I will forgo the gong baths

And acro-yoga

And Retreat instead

Back to bed Today

And tend tenderly to my

Aching

Breaking

Intensely Raw

HEART

 

Image: Source unknown